Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Boobs speak an international language.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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