wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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