I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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