I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
