Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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