I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
