wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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