Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
