Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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