Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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