Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
