this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
