after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
