Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
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