In America we eat man semen.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
And then he peed in my hair
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