coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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