this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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