I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
