My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
