I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
