pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
