.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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