she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
PANTIES FOUND
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
