I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
