I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
