how can u be prego again
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
