I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
