god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
