He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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