Im at strip club and am horny
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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