I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
