Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
