I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
