Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
