i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
