I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
