we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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