Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
