"it" just moved
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
