You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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