Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
