I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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