just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
