Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
