I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
