Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
