I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh god it's open bar.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
