Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
