There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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