I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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