and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
