oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
