If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
