If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
