What did we do last night that was yellow?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
