I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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