after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
