I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
