If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize