I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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