Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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