Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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