My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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