Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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