I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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