The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
