They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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