Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
