Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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