Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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