I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
