trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
