"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
