Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
