there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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