So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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