I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
